Working While Asian: Fetishization and Racism in the Industry

Posted by Julia | 7 min read

Being an Asian escort means dealing with a whole layer of racism and fetishization that I wasn't prepared for when I started this work.

About half my client inquiries include some reference to my ethnicity that makes me immediately uncomfortable. "I love Asian girls," "I have a thing for oriental women," "Do you do that submissive Asian thing?"

It's gross and dehumanizing, but it's also so common that I've had to develop strategies for dealing with it without losing my mind or my income.

The worst are clients who clearly have some fantasy about Asian women being naturally submissive, exotic, or sexually accommodating in ways that other women supposedly aren't. They're not interested in me as an individual - they're interested in me as a representative of whatever Asian stereotypes turn them on.

I remember one potential client who asked during a special date for relax screening whether I would "act more Asian" during our appointment. When I asked what that meant, he said things like speaking with an accent, being shy and submissive, maybe wearing traditional clothing.

I'm American, born in California, and my personality is pretty much the opposite of the submissive stereotype. But this guy wanted me to perform some racist fantasy version of Asian femininity that had nothing to do with who I actually am.

I declined that independent escort booking, obviously, but it made me realize how many clients see my ethnicity before they see me as a person.

The fetishization shows up in subtle ways too. Clients who are overly fascinated by my background, people who make assumptions about my family or culture, guys who think they're being complimentary when they talk about how "exotic" I am.

There's also this assumption that Asian sex workers are somehow more available or desperate than women of other ethnicities. I get lowball offers and more aggressive negotiation tactics than my white friends in this industry report experiencing.

Some clients seem surprised when I have firm boundaries and professional standards, like they expected me to be grateful for any attention and willing to accept whatever terms they offered.

The racism isn't always hostile - sometimes it's "positive" stereotyping about Asian women being clean, responsible, or good at customer service. But it's still racism because it's making assumptions about me based on my ethnicity rather than getting to know me as an individual.

I've learned to screen out the obvious fetishists during initial conversations. Anyone who mentions my ethnicity in their first message gets deleted. People who ask about "cultural experiences" or want me to roleplay stereotypes don't get responses.

But the subtle stuff is harder to filter out, and I sometimes don't realize someone has problematic attitudes until we're already in an appointment.

The frustrating thing is that my ethnicity probably helps my business in some ways - there's definitely demand for NYC Asian escort providers - but it also means dealing with a constant stream of racist attitudes and fetishization.

I wish clients could see past racial categories and connect with providers as individuals. Some of my best clients happen to prefer Asian women, but they're interested in my personality, conversation, and companionship, not some fantasy about what Asian women are supposedly like.

The difference between preference and fetishization is whether someone sees you as a whole person or as a representative of racial stereotypes. Unfortunately, too many clients fall into the latter category.

It's one of the more depressing aspects of this work, realizing how many people carry around these racist attitudes and feel comfortable expressing them when they think they're in a consequence-free environment.